Thriller on wheels

"No Kurla express on wednesdays, Madam". As luck would have had it, we had hit the jackpot of travelling on the one day of the week when the comfortable express takes a holiday. Instead we were faced with the option of a ' Fast Passenger' train (fancy name for a shuttle) or a bus. Leg space being of the essence, we chose the train even though it promised to be a considerably longer journey. Being told that the train was generally crowded, we barged into the first compartment with empty seats as seen from the platform. It was soon obvious why the seats were empty. the kind occupants of those seats had decided to take a nap on the luggage rack above. The train was not a vestibule( compartments were not connected) and we had to occupy those seats with the prospect of grevious head injury in case it started raining men(and their luggage).

' Courage and faith' being our motto, we braved the threat , waded and crunched through four feet of peanut shells strewn for us by the other travellers, and occupied the seats. The Man Above(on the luggage rack) soon woke up and I, good citizenship at the fore, decided to kindly point out that his sleeping place was meant for things much lighter and more inanimate than him. Hearing stifled chuckles, I took a closer look to find that the dude was wearing earphones and hadn't heard a word. I do like to entertain. I continued the monologue, pretended I hadn't noticed the earphones or the laughs and sank back to my seat. Oh, that the earth would give way beneath me! (but not for the guy above, thank you).The Lord finally took pity on us and the luggage rack music lover got down at the next station.

'Non stop thrills' must be the new watchword of Laloo's merry men. As soon as we had passed the station, we were told excitedly to look out of the window. They had found a body on the tracks! All we could spy from our window were a few policemen gathered around something, but the guy opposite (who must have had X ray vision) told us that there was a body wrapped in a gunny bag, with only the head sticking out. We made suitable shocked and sad expressions, were secretly thrilled, and the train moved on.

But did we lack for further mental stimulus?Never.More excitement at the next station.This time the Railway department joined in to provide us with a first class brawl. The Ticket Inspector of the train,on the previous day, apparently drunk on authority, had assaulted a guy travelling ticketless. The dude retaliated during our journey with a pack of friends. They were successful in making a lot of noise and held up the train for quite a while.

Forty five minutes and a bleeding ear later(the Inspector's, not mine) we were on our way again.Only to stop after 300 yards. This time someone had pulled the chain. Why? you ask. Hadn't the entertainment lasted long eonugh? It had lasted a little too long for some spectators, as it happens, because they had forgotten to get back on thr train. Their near and dear ones had decided they were indispensable and hence, the chain pulling.

Everyone safely back where they should be (except the Ticket Inspector. I think he belonged in a hospital) the engine driver decided he had had enough and zoomed off. We sat back contentedly on our seats, happily discussing the rights of officials and civilians to biff each other. Who says train journeys are monotonous?